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 Why is it that after listening to Anberlin for the longest time (just look at my music for almost all my entries) only now do the mood of them feel sort of sad? Maybe it's cause i feel blue right now, but then its usually my music that changes my mood, not my mood that changes the music. Huh, oh well, i guess it doesn't matter.

             I went to a big department-like store today thats going out of business. The whole place is filled with furniture and different electronics and it has a bunch of laptops, and i've got my eye on one in particular. It's gone down about 300 dollars now and its about 600 dollars and its one of 3 left unsold (there used to be like 15-20 or something like that) so i asked my mom if i could buy it, as in money out of my account, NOT THEIRS. She told me to ask my dad and he said he'd "think about it". Sigh. So now i'm crossing my fingers he says yes cause usually if i wanna buy something expensive, they either just say "no" or make me feel so guilty about spending money that i don't end up buying it anyway. But i'm not backing down on this one. Since my mom is so stingy about letting me spend money out of my account and shes in charge of the account, i almost never deposit anymore and it seems like i'd have to break into the bank just to get my own money rather than ask her... So cross your fingers that my dad lets me buy it. I'm going to ask him tomorrow if hes in a good mood :)

            Next topic! So i'm realizing (actually i realized this a long time ago) how strangely uniform my entries are. I usually think up a couple topics that have happened to me lately then go ahead and post them in a paragraph each and if i reread them (which i've sort of stopped doing, so sorry for my incredible amount of typos and missed words, i try to make it legible, at least i'm not handwriting this, then it'd be worse xD) then i wonder how anyone could find these entries interesting even if i did manage to snag some poor unsuspecting reader who began to read about my horribly boring life and even commented i doubt i'd hold on to them long enough to read more than half an entry. *cries softly* Moving on....

               So my friend pointed out yesterday (for anyone who reads MLIA.com; My Life Is Average) that all these people who post on MLIA or even just blog or livejournal, their lives seem sooo interesting. Or at least they can find something interesting that happened to them in the past while. Me? All i've got going for me is school -shivers- and my writing. I've also got my art, but i've been too lazy to post pictures. That and it's not good enough to post online. I'M SO ASHAMED OF MY LACK OF TALENT. Why do i keep arting? (yes its my word and i like it) Because i have nothing else going for me. I don't want to go into anything else because i don't want to end up in some crappy cubicle thats worse than school. Even if it did get me money, its not worth it.
 
                 Money is nothing if i can't do what i want. I couldn't really care less (yeah i could, but i'm making a point here). Yeah, so money buys me games and books and food. Yes i like those things. But if to get money, i have to kill myself everyday (which is the equivalent to any permanent cubicle or food job for me) its not worth it. I'd rather have my art. I'd rather paint and sculpt and draw, even if the pay sucks, which it will. 
 
                  So most of this journal has been pretty sad, boring, or uninteresting, i thought i'd add something more light or happy at the end of here, but ALAS i can't seem to think of anything so i might as well continue on with my last few bits of journal.
 
                    Last of all (unless i think of something else i want to write about after this) i totally just forgot whatever i was going to write...... Oh yea, i believe it was about games. I may have said this already but i recently got a really cute game called Touch Detective for my DS. I had played it before a long time ago and i spotted it at gamestop at the mall and was like "OMGOMGOMG I WANNA PLAY THE GAME!!! MHEAAHAHEHAHEEHEAHA!!!" Ok, so not really like that, more like "Ooohh! Must buy must buy must buy..." then i bought it before my friend could. Yes it was sort of a mean move, but i'm almost done with it so then she can play it :D Yay for sharing. At only 6 bucks, even though its a short game, i still love it ;D
 
                     So i guess that's it for tonight, this was a nice long entry for all you imaginary readers who like it when my entries are longer. Hope u enjoyed!
 
                        This is Madi, signing off!